Pour Some Sugar On My…What?
Y’all know me by now. I’m always telling you way too much about my life and I’m always looking for something new, something fun. Well, this past weekend I tried something new, alright.
I decided to get a full Brazilian. Yup, you got it. No Hair Down There!
A “Brazilian” is a way of removing pubic hair from a woman’s private parts. Now, women have been trying to remove the hair from this area since at least 4,000 BC in India, and for at least several centuries in Middle Eastern countries. So, don’t start in on me about “new fads” or “perversion” because honestly that’s a lot of years of perversion if that’s what it is.
There are many types of hair removal styles. A bikini line just takes away hair that would show if you were wearing a bathing suit. An “American” forms the hair into a triangle so that your itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini won’t show anything. “French” leaves a landing strip – a thin rectangle of hair left from just over the labia to the top of your hairline. And a “Brazilian” removes all hair – from the mons to the labial lips to the perineum to the area around your anus.
The traditional methods for non-permanently removing hair are shaving and waxing. There are permanent solutions, which require several visits to the laser studio. That just doesn’t sound like fun to me, but maybe someday.
Shaving is fast, you can do it at home and it is cheap. But it grows back the next day, and is VERY susceptible to ingrown hairs. Not to mention, itchy!
Waxing is the most popular method, but it has pitfalls as well. Yes, you can do it at home and I tried that once many years ago. I burned myself and there isn’t enough tequila in the world to get me to go through that pain again. You can have it done professionally, which means a greater chance of getting it all, and of not being burned – but still seriously warm and painful.
A method developed in the early 1900s is gaining popularity again – sugaring. Sugar paste is made from sugar and water, or lemon juice. It is just lukewarm, so no danger of burning your pink bits, and it pulls the hair out in the direction of growth, so it’s way less painful.
Cue Saturday morning in Denver. I have a 9:30 appointment to let someone I’ve never met pull all the hair from my … well, you know. The neighborhood wasn’t the greatest, so I was prepared to walk back out the door when I got there. I was pleasantly surprised, though, by the upscale environment, the professional demeanor and the rather thorough health questionnaire and waiver I had to sign.
You have to undress from the waist down and lay on an examination table. They give you a disposable towel the size of a postage stamp to “cover” yourself with, but let’s be honest… Why bother? This person is about to see everything you have, and touch it too. Now, I have to say, the lady who did my Brazilian was really good. She put me at ease by talking, much like a hairdresser. She showed me the sugar paste and allowed me to touch it to see how warm it was. She very obviously gloved her hands in front of me so I knew she was going to be sanitary. She warned me when it was going to be painful so I could hold my breath, and even gave me a stress ball to squeeze for the really bad moments.
With wax, the technician uses a little wooden popsicle stick to apply the hot wax, then puts a bit of paper over it, rubs it a few times then rips the paper off. With sugaring, the technician uses her hands (way more intimate, but also more assurance that everything is going to be covered) – no stick, no paper. I found her to be very clinical in that aspect, which I appreciated.
I won’t lie. Some of it is still very painful, especially right at the top of the lips. That is one SERIOUSLY sensitive area. Strangely, the “taint” and the anal area were a breeze comparatively. And it did not get all the hair. This is not the fault of the process or the technician. The first time you have it done some of your hair breaks off rather than pulling out. The technician will try her best, but some of that is just too short to grab after that. I was told that coming back on a regular basis would take care of that. Also, coming back on a regular basis means that the hair will grow in lighter and eventually most of it will stop.
Waxing or sugaring should last between 2 and 6 weeks depending on how fast your hair grows back. Yesterday was a week for me, and so far all I’ve had to do is lightly touch up the areas where the hair broke off in the first place. I’m very happy with the results and think anyone looking to go Brazilian should definitely pour some sugar … down there.
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