On Teenagers, Selfies And Geraldo Rivera
Canon is releasing a new, tiny camera that is meant to make it incredibly easy to take and share pictures of yourself.
You know, this whole sarcasm and snark bit that I’ve got works pretty well for me. It’s like a second nature, a second skin, an easy act for me to play. Then there are times when I want to be real, maybe even courteous, and not known as the guy who always says things like “could today’s teenagers GET anymore stupid?”
Then I get a story like the one about this camera, and all the odious and unsavory stuff just starts flowing from my fingers.
Which is to say, hold on buckaroos; it’s going to get crazy.
Smartphones have furthered the cause of humanity and technology nearly as much as personal computers did in the early 80s, in my opinion. Just try to imagine going on vacation or, hell, even going to a bar without your smartphone.
No maps, no social networking, no Wikipedia, and no camera.
We have access to so much information in our pocket it is ridiculous. More than that, we’ve entrusted these things with so much of our daily lives.
Yet, somewhere along the way some genius was looking at their phone and thought “You know what I want to do with this thing? I want to videoconference with it. Let’s put a front-facing camera on it!”
And sure, there are those who really do use apps like FaceTime or Skype to keep in touch with their loved ones or conduct business from far away. I mean, just try watching that first FaceTime video from Apple without tearing up.
These people, the ones who use this technology correctly, are permitted to make use of the front facing camera.
Stupid teenagers and Geraldo Rivera, on the other hand, are not allowed because all they want to do is take pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror.
These pictures are sometimes called “selfies,” they’re often accompanied with the hideous “duckface” pose, and unless you’re asking your wife if the outfit you’ve put together matches and is occasion-appropriate, they must be banned entirely.
Canon clearly needs to be told about this new rule.
Oh, and there’s more.
Smartphones have made pocket cameras all but obsolete. Remember those Flip video cameras that everyone was gaga over until about 2011?
That GoPro is doing so well is something of a quandary to me. I mean, they take outstanding video and are waterproof, but so does the iPhone in a rugged case.
How did the fine folks at Canon allow engineers to dream this thing up, executives to move forward with this project and marketing teams to start pushing it?
Did no one look down on the conference table at their smartphones sitting inches underneath their noses, the front facing camera peering right into their nasal cavity?
No, Canon! Bad Canon!
The world needs fewer redundant products and even fewer selfies.
Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
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