Getting A Hard-On On Dishonesty
Itâs hard to be honest.
Here, I run the risk of getting caught in a sundry of deep, philosophical rabbit holes with numerous traps, potholes and shaky walls. The very notion of âUniversal Truthâ in and of itself is enough to incite a riot, and if society has trouble agreeing on this one, seemingly philosophically fundamental issue, how can we expect to be honest with even ourselves?
Yes, honesty is a tricky thing.
Therefore, we engage in all manner of dishonesty with great frequency, maybe as many as several times an hour. More than just a tool of trickery or a way to âget oursâ or deceive a gullible party, we humans use this untruth as a cloak, a shield, a way to put up pretense and convince others that we are something other than that which we are.
There are two very interesting pieces on the British side of the web this week concerning addiction; Namely, addiction to Viagara and pornography. Tanith Carey with the Daily Mailâs âFemailâ column writes a story about a young man who claims he is addicted to Viagara and cannot have a satisfactory sex life without the little blue pills. Daniel Atkinson, 32, says he first popped his Viagara cherry as a 20-year old on holiday with friends in randy Amsterdam. He enjoyed his marathon-style romp that he began taking it more frequently, first with a prescription and now through some shady Spanish channels. He now claims he has trouble performing without the pill, spending up to ÂŁ1,000 a year on his supply and takes up to six tablets a week.
Psychosexual counsellor Raymond Francis speaks up in the piece, saying heâs seeing more and more young men opt to take these performance enhancing drugs because they think women expect more from them in bed. But where would these men get this wacky notion?
Pornography, of course.
And as these men watch these couples and threesomes and foursomes bang on for upwards of an hour and a half, they get the idea that this is what women want. Anything less is simply unacceptable.
When these men do meet strong, independent women who arenât afraid to express themselves sexually, just as women are often displayed in pornography, these men either shut down or fall back on pills. Or so says Carey.
Dr. Brooke Magnanti does a thorough job of tearing down this argument, piece by piece, in her article in The Telegraph. Dr. Magnantiâs pointâ and itâs a rather well made oneâ is that we, as a society, have become addicted to calling out addictions.
Calling it a âhabituationâ instead, Dr. Magnanti points out that no scientific papers and no peer reviewed journals were cited in the Daily Mail piece to prove men could actually be addicted to Viagara, quoting only the Psychosexual counsellor instead. As for the porn addiction? If this âaddictionâ can be blamed on a flood of chemicals to the brain, she writes, then we must all be addicted to our toilets as well.
Dr. Magnanti also tears down the âexpressive womenâ argument in the Daily Mail, saying so succinctly, âIf men didn’t want that, I can assure you porn would not feature it.â
So, thereâs the argument going on between two ladies across the pond.
The real trouble here, however, (and Iâm sure these blogesses wonât approach the issue thuslyâŠdamn my romantic spirit) is an issue of honesty.
These men, these young, supposedly virile guys who want to be the provider of every womanâs sexual fantasies, are choosing to hide behind a tiny blue lie. Theyâre also choosing to not look beyond the velvety veil curtain of pornography, viewing instead as real, hard truth, the way things are.
Of course, Iâm not suggesting men begin courting a woman with their chests laid bare, sharing with them their deepest, darkest secrets in an attempt to give the young lady the full story of whatâs really âgoing on.â
No, our instincts and genetic makeup drive us to put our best foot forward when first getting to know someone who has caught our eye.
Every species in nature engages in some sort of ritualistic mating dance. Even the Bowerbird goes out of his way to pick fresh colorful flowers before be woos his lady. He doesnât throw some sticks and rocks together before chirping, âHey, itâs just the way I am, babe. Deal.â
But the men discussed in these two English pieces are discussing having trouble being intimate with their partners, their girlfriends, their close companions. These are ladies with whom theyâve entered into a trusting relationship with, and yet they still feel like they canât perform without the drugs.
Itâs a dangerous stance to take, admonishing others to honesty. After all, anyone who claims to be honest immediately becomes a hypocrite.
It is my opinion, however, that honesty remains the best policy. If these men, these so-called afflicted men who think they canât perform in bed, satisfy their women, and still be seen as all-that-is-male, would simply be honest with themselves and with their partners, these issues could be significantly reduced.
Sexual health is an important aspect of any relationship, of course, but in committed and trusting couplings, this sex is less about the release and more about the embrace. Thereâs an inherent intimacy involved, a coming together, and if a lie is wedged between the2 naked bodies, true intimacy cannot be achieved.
It is my belief as a young, 30-year old with limited life experience, that these men should simply be honest with themselves, honest with their mate and honest with the world.
Love isnât about going all night long, true self-worth isnât about bringing down the walls with the staccatoed shrieks of multiple orgasms, and real intimacy canât be achieved when you operate under the assumption that these things are true.
Be honest with yourself and the world. Take the time to talk to one another, to share with one another. Be smart and make sober decisions about who you open up your life to. Choose people you can trust.
After all, thereâs no pill to achieve ultimate honesty, but if you just try, you might just find the satisfaction youâre looking for.
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