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Acid-Tripping “Elf” Attacks Car

May 24, 14 Acid-Tripping “Elf” Attacks Car

Of all the insidious foes vanquished in the pages of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, one was left undiscovered and unvanquished, retreating into the depths of the shadows before it could reemerge eons later as an inconspicuous backdrop to our modern day world: the BMW.

Or at least that’s what Konrad Bass, native resident of Glendale, Oregon thought, spurred to action by the LSD coursing through his system and his hatred of the Tolkienian Dark Lord Morgoth — the entity he claimed to be battling when police found him thrusting a live-steel blade through the paneling of one justifiably surprised woman’s car. According to the Huffington Post, Bass, who later admitted to taking the psychedelic drug, charged into the middle of an intersection, clad in chainmail and a helmet, bearing full shield and sword. The car’s owner, whom Bass simply described as “bad-vibing [him],” immediately called 911 to report what she thought was a pirate attack. Technically, though, she was wrong, as Bass had the presence of mind to correct the police officers who arrived at the scene. He was representing his Live Action Roleplyaing (LARP) character Konrad McKane, who is a high elf — a specific race of noble elves featured in popular fantasy, originally hailing from Tolkien’s fantasy world.

That’s right. High Elf. The drug joke writes itself.

Now, as someone who admittedly enjoys participating in LARP events, I try to take a fair, objective view on such stories. Far be it from me to mock someone for their taste in recreation. My own preferences fall firmly into what many would dub “nerdy” — Dungeons and Dragons, LARP, video games — so I wouldn’t normally draw extra attention to a LARPer getting in trouble. as it’s not really more newsworthy than any other person involved in the same kind of mischief. That being said, I draw the line at property damage. Once you’ve started taking hallucinogenic drugs and plunged live steel into someone else’s property, claiming their vehicle is a servant of the Dark Lord, all bets are off. Also, I don’t think it would have mattered whether Bass was “in character” or not. The fact that he attacked a woman’s car in the middle of an intersection in broad daylight is absurd enough to merit attention on its own. And let’s be perfectly honest, considering that no one was hurt, it’s pretty darn funny. The article did not mention whether Bass would be held responsible for damages, and I cannot help but wonder if the victim’s auto insurance has a policy for “attacked by a Child of Ilúvatar”.

The epic battle ended abruptly with the arrest of Bass, though instead of jail he was rushed to a hospital where he could recover from the acid trip. Though he was eventually charged with criminal mischief, he managed to escape the dungeons of the enemy — this time. Hopefully our valiant hero has learned a thing or two about the line between fantasy and reality.

Image Credit: Konrad Bass via Facebook

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About 

Stephen Jefferies is a graduate student at Eastern Illinois University, working to finish his M.A. in English Composition and Rhetoric. His hobbies include reading, writing, gaming of all varieties, and spending inordinate chunks of time watching cats on the internet. He has been writing and storytelling for as long as he can remember with no plans of stopping anytime soon.

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